I was a reading a nice little article on LinkedIn yesterday, and this quote (of a quote?) really struck me:
I once read that what makes a tragedy so hard to bear is the feeling that it so easily could have gone the other way. This feeling is also what makes our triumphs so giddy.
How true is that? I often feel that my “tragedies” in life are my “could have beens” if I didn’t have lupus. These are the things I feel I have worked so hard for that were taken away because of my lupus. But, instead of reliving my tragedies, I want to focus on my triumphs.
My number one triumph: my baby boy (not so baby anymore!). One of my biggest fears when I was first diagnosed with lupus was that I wouldn’t get to have children. Then, once I did get pregnant, my biggest fear was that something would go wrong because of my lupus – preeclampsia, neonatal lupus, etc. Now, of course, my biggest fear is that something will go wrong and I won’t be able to take care of him or that I will miss out on his life due to my illness.
But so far… so good. I’m so lucky to have had a beautiful, healthy baby boy. He is by far my biggest triumph. And it’s just a tiny bit sweeter because I know what “could have been” that wasn’t.